Always Been You
by Tigereye77
Summary: The murder of Emily Prentiss' fiance sets off a chain of events that Hotch initially attributes to Fate. But as he looks more closely, he realizes a very human hand may be invovled and the danger to Emily may not be over yet.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So, I'm known among some of the Twitter-atti as the "Angst Pimp" because, well, I tend to inject a good heaping dose of angst in my stories. This one is no different. It's a bunch of ideas that has coalesced into one story. One of those little seeds is a role reversal of sorts. I've noticed in fan fics that it's usually Emily offering Hotch comfort when he's in a particularly dark place or low point in his life. What if the roles were reversed? And what if there were consequences in all sorts of ways (you can probably guess one of the consequences, but there are others). And what if a bunch of twists and turns are tossed on them? So here it is, a little angst, maybe a little smut, heavy dash of romance, and a bit of mystery.**

* * *

><p>Hotch looked down into the troubled, tear-stained face of Emily Prentiss as she slept in his arms. He sighed and pulled her naked body closer to his, reveling in the warmth and scent of her. He wondered if it was possible to be sad and yet so very happy at the same time? It must be as he was feeling those very conflicting feelings right now.<p>

He had just spent the last few hours making love to the beautiful woman in his arms, but he knew it was all an illusion. The feelings were very real on his part. He loved her. He had come to that realization too late and thought she was lost to him forever when she announced her engagement to Dr. Jonathon Russell. But then fate has a way of playing twisted games.

Just when he thought he would lose her forever, Jonathan and Emily became victims of a random act of violence. It was a mugging gone wrong and Jonathan stepped into the path of a bullet meant for Emily. When Hotch had arrived at the hospital, he found her sitting in the waiting room alone, the other people steering clear of the shell shocked woman covered in blood. He was the first to arrive and immediately took care of her and hadn't stopped since.

Through the police's questions, the funeral arrangements, the funeral itself, the condolences from the team and friends, Hotch had stayed by her side, helping her along because Emily Prentiss, one of the strongest, bravest people who had ever known had nearly buckled under the grief. In that hospital waiting room, as she sat there in what used to be a pretty pale blue dress stained now with the blood of a man she had loved deeply, she had looked small and fragile and Hotch swore to himself that no matter what happened, he would always look out and take care of her.

The rest of the team had wanted to help, but as soon as they saw his fierce determination and how easily Emily seemed to accept his assistance, they took a step back, ready to be there, but not intruding, willing to let him do what seemed to be so natural because it appeared to be what Emily needed the most.

He held her as she cried. He dried her tears. He acted as a buffer from the outside world. He helped her pick the suit Jonathon would be buried in. He made she eat, rest and he held her hand during the funeral. And after everyone had left and it was just the two of them, he held her again as she sobbed for the loss of a man who had loved her, never realizing that another man who loved her just as deeply, if not more, as the one they had buried was cradling her in his arms.

So when she looked up, her beautiful face looking even more beautiful through her tears and she kissed him, when she asked him to be with her just for tonight so she could forget, he couldn't resist, even though he knew it wouldn't have the same meaning to her as it did to him. He couldn't deny her anything and he wanted that one experience of making love to her so he could treasure it for the rest of his life.

And treasure it he would. As they moved together, he drawing everything out to give her as much pleasure as possible, to make her numb to her grief as physical sensations overwhelmed her, he realized how perfectly they fit, how this was meant to be. He worshipped her with all that he had and all that he was, loving every inch of her and making her feel his love for her. And when he felt her fall and she called his name, _his name_, and not the name of his dead rival, he felt a rush of possessive satisfaction and he spilled himself in hot spurts deep inside her body, thrusting into her over and over again as she sobbed "Aaron".

Then he held her as she cried herself to sleep over the lost love she buried that day.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: For those reading my other stories, I've got a few days off. Whoo hoo! So the plan is to finish at least two of them, ideally three. Divine Comedy ain't going to be finished this weekend. That is a more epic story. If all goes well, you'll be seeing quite a few updates from me. Thanks for your patience!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Part two! Thanks for all the comments on part one. As I said, this is a bit of a different role reversal story here. Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

><p>It was the first time in over a week she slept more than a fitful hour or two. Emily gradually swam to consciousness through the thick fog of grief that had enveloped her the moment she saw Jonathan gunned down before her very eyes. This time things felt different. She felt warm, she felt safe. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw herself staring into a bare muscular chest and the events of last night came roaring back to her.<p>

She tilted her head slowly up and saw Hotch watching her.

"Hey," he greeted her softly, a hand coming up to brush back a few strands of her hair. "How are you feeling?"

How was she feeling? Her world had been shattered and she just made things worse by sleeping with her boss who had been nothing but understanding and kindness itself towards her as she fell apart at the seams. And she did it on the same day she buried the man she loved. Crap would be a generous description of how she felt right now.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his chest. "I shouldn't have asked you to-," she made a small gesture. "It was a really unfair position for me to put you in." She started to pull away but he wouldn't let her go.

"Shhh," he shushed her soothingly. "You needed me last night and I wanted to be there for you. I don't have any regrets and I hope you don't either. There's nothing wrong with needing some comfort after everything you've been through."

"What kind of person am I?" she whispered brokenly. "I just buried Jonathan and here I am-"

"You're human," Hotch said soothingly as he gathered her towards him. She resisted a little but then melted into him, trying to burrow herself into his chest. Her actions made him smile softly and he placed a little kiss on her tousled hair. "You needed someone and I'm glad I was here for you."

"But we-"

"Simply showed each other how much we care for one another. I don't want you to run yourself down over this, Emily. You did nothing wrong. We did nothing wrong." His arms tightened around her, willing to her to absorb his strength and a part of him hoped she would feel the love he had for her.

Her own arms tightened around him and Emily wondered again not for the first time how through this entire nightmare she was so lucky to have found this tower of strength. She always knew Hotch was exactly that, but he had never been there for her in that capacity. It had surprised her, but it had also seemed so natural as well that he'd be the one to see her through these dark days.

And last night. As she thought about it, Emily found herself pulling away from Hotch, using more strength and insistence than before. He held her for a moment, but feeling her determination to leave his arms, he let her go, looking at her inquiringly.

She couldn't face him, couldn't let him know that making love to him last night had felt so right and good. God what kind of a person was she? She loved Jonathan and he was barely in his grave before she was bedding Hotch and enjoying herself. She knew it was "Aaron" that she was sobbing as he took her to such dizzying heights several times. She was terrible! Awful!

Hotch stared at her naked back as she sat facing away from him. However, he didn't need to see her face to know Emily was beating herself up over what had happened between them. He meant what he said. He didn't judge her for what happened last night, he completely understood it. They all had points in their life where they needed someone, where they were in places so dark it was either reach out for help or make a choice to go down a dark and destructive path. Emily had reached out and he had gladly helped her because given her state, had she chosen something different, the consequences he couldn't bear to think of.

"It can't happen again," she said softly in a broken, sad voice, her back still turned to him.

Hotch bit his lip and fought the disappointment and sadness that welled up inside of him when he heard those words. Of course he knew she was going to say that, it was all too soon, too fresh, but it hurt all the same. "I know." He sat up and scooted over towards her. His hand fell on her shoulder and he felt her tense for a moment and then relax. Hotch scooted closer until he sat behind her and pulled her into his body, his arms wrapping around her pulling her slight form against his chest.

"But it doesn't change anything for us," Hotch murmured as he rested his head against hers. "I'm still going to be here for you. I'm still going to help you for as long as you let me. I'm not going anywhere, Emily. I'm still going to be here."

Tears welled up in her eyes again and she felt herself melting back into his embrace as her hands came up to touch the arms around her. "Thank you," she said brokenly.

Hotch pressed his lips to her temple and whispered. "Always."

* * *

><p>Somehow it had gone all wrong. That BITCH was supposed to die, not that mealy-mouthed doctor! But no, he had to play the hero and step in front of her so the bullet hit him, not her! She should be the one dead and buried. But instead, she's still alive and she has HIM fawning all over her.<p>

Since it happened, he hadn't left her side and oh, that whore has been milking it for all it's worth. His hand holding hers. His arm around her shoulders. How he caught her as she stumbled at the cemetery. Held her close as she cried those crocodile tears. All an act, because she knew that all Emily Prentiss wanted was Aaron Hotchner and now she had him glued to her side, probably seducing him right now into her bed.

The whore.

The first attempt failed, but there will not be another failure.

Emily Prentiss will die.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: My goal was to at least do one update for each of my incomplete stories and yeah! I've done it. Again, I apologize for the ungodly delays. Hopefully I can be a little bit better, but I will be targeting the "shorter" stories to get out of the way first. So it might take a little more time to finish this one up. I still hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think.**

* * *

><p>"No. Because Emily needs me more than the Bureau does." Hotch growled into his phone and rubbed his forehead is frustration. "Dave, I am not leaving Emily right now and that is final! I'm taking my vacation time and Strauss can't do anything about it. Now goodbye." He disconnected the call and turned around with a frustrated sigh only to find himself face to face with Emily.<p>

She smiled gently at him. "I'm fine. You don't need to hold my hand, Hotch. Go back to work."

"Hey, I said I wasn't going to leave you and I'm not. Besides, spending time with you is much more enjoyable than being stuck in one of Strauss' budget meetings," Hotch grinned at her as he put his hands on her shoulders.

Emily tilted her head to the side and rubbed her cheek against the back of his hand. The gesture was so natural, so affectionate, that Hotch caught his breath. That was what he wanted in his life, that intimacy, that connection to her. It was too soon for Emily, but he had hope that when she was ready, they would be together.

"What? Spending the day watching me mope around the apartment?" She straightened her shoulders and gave him a small smile. "Time for moping is over. I am going to pull myself together and get on with my life. I'll miss Jonathan, I think I'll always love him, but he's gone, and I still need to live." She gave him a ghost of her former smile and Hotch felt his heart ache when he saw it. "Go back to work. I'll be fine."

"Emily-"

"Hotch, I know what a bitch Strauss can be. She'll make your life Hell and then I'll feel bad. I promise I'll be okay and in a few weeks, I'll be back at work."

"You don't have to rush anything," he immediately said, his hands now rubbing her shoulders.

"I know." She smiled a bit more brightly this time. Her hand reached out to touch his cheek. Hotch closed his eyes and nestled into her soft palm. "My boss likes to pretend he's a hardass, but he's really one of the sweetest guys ever."

"Don't let it get out. It'll ruin my reputation," Hotch murmured, opening his eyes and looking into her dark ones.

"Your secret is safe with me."

"As are yours."

* * *

><p>Hotch's scowl was darker than normal the next day as he walked into the BAU. Morgan, Reid, JJ and Garcia was all gathered around the younger man's desk, but stood immediately when they saw Hotch.<p>

"Hotch! Welcome back!" JJ said in startled surprise.

"How's Emily doing?" Reid asked.

He had spent the morning with her, reluctant to leave her side. She had to almost physically push him out of her apartment, assuring him she would be okay. He promised to call her later in the day. She had smiled and asked, "Would you feel better if I asked you over to dinner tonight?"

It was Hotch's turn to smile and he assured her he would be over by seven o'clock.

"She's doing better," Hotch assured him. He paused. "She's still not ready to come back to work. It'll take time."

"Maybe we should go over there tonight," JJ said turning towards Garcia.

"That's not necessary. I said I would stop over for dinner tonight. See how she's doing," Hotch replied. He ignored the raised eyebrows and pointed looks they sent each other. He nodded his head and went up to his office.

Hotch had just settled in when Rossi was knocking on his door. "Welcome back," the older man said as he sat himself down in the visitor's chair. He placed the ankle of one leg on his knee, a clear indication he had no intention of leaving any time soon. "I thought you weren't going to show up any time soon, Strauss and the Bureau be damned. Emily change your mind?" Seeing Hotch stiffen, Rossi let out a low, humorless chuckle. "Thought so." His eyes turned serious as he regarded Hotch with a grave look. "I hope you know what you're doing, Aaron."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hotch asked, playing innocent.

"You know exactly what I mean. The way you've hovered over Emily these last few weeks, watched over her, taken care of her. I've seen the way you looked at her. When did you realize you were in love with her?"

"Before Jonathan was killed," Hotch sighed, knowing it was futile to deny it to his old friend. "I was resigning myself to a life of unrequited love, or hoping things would go south between those two and then…he dies."

"Rather convenient," Rossi said in a neutral tone.

Hotch glared at him. "If you're insinuating that I had anything to do with his shooting-"

"Of course I'm not, but be careful. Remember, it's an open investigation and they might be fishing around for a motive," Rossi replied.

Hotch frowned. "It was a mugging gone wrong, why would the police be looking for a motive?"

Rossi sighed and uncrossed his legs so he could lean forward. "You know Morgan, JJ and Reid have been working this case on the side. Since you were taking care of Emily, they felt they had to do this for her. They've found some inconsistencies."

"Inconsistencies?"

"We all know witness statements can be unreliable and Emily was in shock. Video footage from a nearby bank showed the other end of the alley the unsub was hiding before he attacked Emily and Jonathan. Footage shows him going into the alley a full two hours before they walked by. It was a Saturday night on a busy street. Plenty of people walking by but this guy decides to rob a couple, not someone walking alone.? Jonathan was a big guy. You telling me he couldn't find an easier mark to mug?"

Hotch leaned back in his chair, stunned. "You think they were specifically targeted? But why?"

"Emily swears they made no aggressive move. She didn't even go for her gun in her purse, but the guy shoots, and he aims for her? Remember, she said Jonathan stepped into the path of the bullet. Anyone would have taken out the big, muscular man before they would the woman."

"Unless they knew Emily was an agent and armed," Hotch replied.

"Which means this wasn't random," Rossi nodded. "I think Emily might have been the target and if those two couples hadn't come along at that time, he would have shot her too."

Hotch was already dialing Emily's number and cursed when he got the answering machine. He tried her cell phone next but that went to voicemail. "Shit! She's not picking up."

"Did she say she was going somewhere today?"

"Jogging, or a walk," Hotch replied promptly remembering what she said might be her plans for that morning. "She likes to run and walk in the park near her apartment." He was already standing up and hurrying out of his office. "Downstairs now!" he barked out to the others who hastily grabbed their weapons and hurried after Hotch and Rossi.

"Hotch!" Morgan called out. "What's going on?"

"Emily might be in danger."

* * *

><p>She sighed as she looked around the spotless apartment. When she had been unable to do anything after Jonathan's death, Hotch done everything: cooking, cleaning, shopping. He had been so wonderful, taking care of her, but it also meant there was nothing for her to do. Nothing to occupy her mind.<p>

When he asked her over breakfast her plans for the day, she had looked around the immaculate apartment and decided this would be the first day she would go out since Jonathan's funeral.

Since she slept with Hotch.

Emily felt her cheeks burn with shame at the memory. How could she have done such a thing? But it had been what she needed, that connectedness, the intimacy and companionship. Being with Hotch had made her feel again, made that cold feeling that had settled into her bones when they told her Jonathan had not survived. Hotch had made that go away, if only for a little bit. And when it came back, it wasn't as strong.

But she couldn't lean on Hotch forever. She knew what he did, he did out of kindness, pity even. She was grateful to him for that, but she needed to learn how to stand on her own again. Pushing him to go back to work had been the first step. She couldn't allow him to allow his career go to rack and ruin because she was weak. When Emily heard his end of the conversation with Rossi she had decided the next day Hotch was going into work and Emily would just pull herself up by her big girl panties and continue living.

However, that meant figuring out something to do. She told him that she might go for a walk or take a run. She saw it had been on the tip of his tongue to offer to go with her. She hadn't been out of the apartment since the funeral, but she just gave him a look, silently and firmly telling him she needed to do this on her own.

Emily changed into some workout clothes: Capri length jogging pants, t-shirt and a fitted, zipped hoodie. It was spring, but it happened to be a cool day. She grabbed her iPod and knowing it wasn't wise to go out with her earbuds in her ears, unable to hear a potential assailant nearby, she found she didn't care. She needed the distraction.

As she made her way to the park near her apartment she scrolled through her playlists. With a pang, practically every song seemed to remind her of Jonathan. She switched over to her classical selection and settled for some Beethoven. As the strings of Moonlight Sonata began to stream into her ears, she began a slow, easy jog and allowed her mind to go blank. Emily concentrated on her breathing and allowed the music to wash over her only vaguely taking note of her surroundings, never realizing how closely she was being watched and followed.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Continuing my other pure HotLy romance story. Here's the next part!**

* * *

><p>It had drizzled earlier that day leaving the too long dry streets slick, especially for the two Bureau issued SUVs barreling along the roads with their sirens blaring.<p>

"She's still not picking up," Rossi informed Hotch who was driving and Reid in the back seat.

"Dammit!" Hotch growled pounding his hand against the steering wheel. "I told her to take her phone with her!" He yanked on the wheel viciously as he took a turn so fast the wheels on one side lifted.

Reed grabbed frantically at his seat belt. "We aren't certain anyone is really after Emily," he began tentatively.

"I'm not taking that risk!" It came out in a snarl, frightening Reid into silence and causing Rossi to raise his eyebrow.

"We're all worried about Emily, Hotch," Dave said in a quiet, but chastising voice. "We need to keep our heads."

The Unit Leader glared at the other man in response, but nodded his head once to acknowledge the older man's words. His hands tightened again on the steering wheel as fear ran through his veins. He knew there was something not right about Jonathan's murder, but he was too preoccupied with Emily to look at it closely. If she was the target that meant someone was still after her and may try to finish the job. If anything happened to her, Hotch did not know what he would do.

* * *

><p>Emily began with an easy jog and then quickly picked up her pace. It began to rain again, a light drizzle that was enough to chill the skin, but she was warmed by the exercise. The music blocked out the rest of the world, even the sound of her breathing and she fell into the practiced gait of a runner, following the familiar path of one of her favorite jogging routes. She passed a several other runners, some people walking, but few were out in the damp, cool weather.<p>

Sweat began to mingle with the rain on her face, her breathing became heavier and she could feel the slight ache in muscles that hadn't been used in a few weeks. She reached that edge that made her begin to push herself even more, increasing her pace slightly.

Her mind went blank. It was only about the music in her ears, the pounding of her sneakers on the asphalt, the rain on her face, the push to get enough air in her lungs. She didn't have to think about Jonathan's death or the hole in her heart. She didn't have to think about Hotch and the guilt she felt for feeling good when she was with him. It was simply about the run.

So in her own world was Emily, she didn't notice she was being stalked by a lone runner some distance behind her. She was easy to keep in sight dressed in her bright blue hoodie and black sneakers with the bright coral pink details. The stalker knew there was a lonely section where the trees grew thickly that was coming up soon. The dark figure moved closer to Emily.

She was in the zone now, wiping her mind blank so she didn't have to deal with what had been consuming her the past few days. It was only when she felt the hand on her arm that she came back to the present. Instinctively, Emily raised her other arm in a defensive motion, ready to strike back against her potential attacker until she saw who it was.

"Reid!" she cried out in surprise as she took out her earbuds. "What are you doing? You scared the Hell out of me!"

"Thank God I found you," Reid breathed out. "Hotch was either going to have a heart attack or shoot someone." He spoke into his communication unit. "Hotch? I've found Emily. We'll meet you in the East entrance."

"Hotch?" she asked in surprise. "Why was he worried? What's going on?"

"I'll let Hotch explain," Reid replied as he escorted Emily down the path towards their friends.

The dark figure watched all this from the shelter of some bushes. It slowly slinked away, disappearing into the park.

* * *

><p>"Hotch!"<p>

Aaron spun around when he heard her voice and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He didn't care who saw them, he went up to her and drew her into his arms in a tight embrace.

"Thank God!" he breathed in her hair.

The rest of their teammates looked at them in surprise and then at each other. When had that happened?

Emily's arms went around him and as was in her nature, she began to soothe him. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, feel the slight tremble in his body, but confused by it.

Hotch inhaled her scent, the smell of sweat clinging to her body reminding him of that night they had spent making love and he felt his gut tighten in remembrance. To think he could have lost her because he allowed her to get out of his sight. That would not happen again.

He pulled back slightly from her, but still kept her in his arms. "Let's get back to the BAU and I'll explain everything."

* * *

><p>"Jonathan may have died because of me?"<p>

Hotch kicked himself not realizing ahead of time that was the only thing Emily would focus on. He knelt down before her, taking her hands in his, once again shocking his team by his actions, but he simply didn't care.

"Do not think that way. Do not blame yourself for Jonathan," he told her sternly, even as he gently cradled her hands in his. "We aren't certain about anything. If you are the target, whatever happened to Jonathan is solely the killer's fault. Not yours. Do not even believe differently for one moment."

Tears began to form in her eyes, but she nodded slowly. Hotch smiled at her and then pulled her into a comforting hug. He rubbed her back gently and then pulled away.

"Now, we need to look at every possibility, including you and who might want you…dead."

"Hotch, that could be a long list if we look at every perp I help put away," Emily sighed.

"I know. We all have a long list. I've got Garcia running your past cases now. But we need to know if there's anyone else like Doyle in your CIA past?"

Emily stiffened imperceptibly when Doyle's name was mentioned. It was always something she did. No one but Hotch noticed and he had to stop himself from reaching out to her again. She wouldn't appreciate someone recognizing her still lingering discomfort regarding Doyle.

Emily was silent as she thought. She shook her head. "It's possible, but unlikely."

"Give Garcia their names so she can run them," Hotch ordered. When Emily opened her mouth to protest, to say she couldn't divulge anything given the confidential nature of her work, he cut her off. "I don't care. The Director and I will hash it out with the CIA. If it is someone from there, I don't want to be anymore behind this guy than I already am."

"Is there a chance any of you could be in danger?" Emily asked with a worried look in her eyes. Doyle again sprung to mind.

"I doubt it," Rossi spoke up. "No threats have been made to us and none of us have noticed any unusual events in the past few weeks."

"So it is me," Prentiss breathed out and once again they could see her blaming herself for Jonathan's death. Hotch was not going to allow her to do that.

"I need you focused, Emily," he told her in a quiet voice. "Go with Garcia and start compiling that list. The sooner we figure it out, the sooner we have the bastard."

She smiled weakly at him and nodded. Hotch smiled back at her and couldn't resist pulling her into a hug and giving her a small kiss in her hair, leaving everyone but Rossi dumbstruck. The older man simply eyed Hotch with a wary look.

"Come on, Garcia," Emily said as the tech analyst continued to stare at Hotch. The blonde started and then nodded her head, following Emily out of the room.

Hotch knew his actions would invite questions and comments, but he was in no mood for them. His priority was Emily's safety and he knew that what Rossi suspected, that Emily was the target and still in danger, was correct.

However, his team had other plans. As soon as Emily and Penelope were out of earshot, Morgan was suddenly before Hotch.

"What the Hell was all that?" the younger man demanded angrily.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: It's angst all around! Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

><p>"What the Hell was all that?" Morgan demanded. He was furious. His best friend was hurting, mourning the death of her fiancé and Hotch was trying to make a move on her?<p>

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Morgan." Hotch's tone was as cold as an Arctic wind. "I asked Emily to begin compiling a list of suspects who might hold a grudge against her."

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it," the younger man snapped. "You're acting like you're involved with her. Like, like, her boyfriend." He took a step towards Hotch. "She's in mourning, man! What are you doing?!"

Already a private man, Hotch would not have tolerated such insolent questioning from anyone, let alone one of his subordinates, on a typical day, but with the fear he felt when he realized Emily was in danger and he had no idea where she was still coursing through his body, he was even less inclined to listen to prying questions about his life.

"At this point, the state of Emily and my relationship is irrelevant. Our main goal is to find who killed Jonathan Russell and is potentially targeting Emily. We need to concentrate on protecting her and _that_ is the only thing that matters." This time, Hotch took a step towards Morgan and in a voice that allowed for only one response to his next question, said, "If you are unable to do that, Morgan, then you need to leave. I'll stand for nothing but complete focus in finding our unsub."

Morgan was boiling. It was clear to everyone he was struggling to say something, but his concern for Emily's actual life warred with his concern over her emotional state. Rossi settled the issue by stepping between the men.

"Hotch is right," Dave interjected quietly. "Right now we need to make sure Emily isn't in danger. Other matters can wait until we know she's completely safe."

"Depends on your definition of safe," Morgan spat out bitterly. He knew how much Emily loved Jonathan and how devastated she was when he died. He thought Hotch was the most honorable man he had ever known, but he was insinuating his way into her life when she was at her most vulnerable. And what about his girlfriend? What about Beth? The way he held Emily, cradled her against his body, the stark fear on his face when he didn't know where she was, Hotch was clearly a man, if not in love, definitely infatuated. And he didn't see Emily pulling away from their supervisor. Derek saw how she leaned on him, looked to him for answers. There was definitely something there on both their sides. However, while Emily was an emotional wreck and in mourning, Hotch should have known better. If he truly cared about her, he would allow her to heal, not confuse her even more, not take advantage of her fragile state.

"Morgan," Rossi murmured. "Think of Emily."

That was what he was doing, but he knew what Rossi was driving at: Emily's safety was their priority right now. The dark man nodded sharply but the look he sent Hotch told everyone that this was all far from over.

JJ and Reid had been watching the events unfold in wide-eyed silence. With Morgan at least at a low simmer, Hotch began to dole out assignments. One hard stare had the two younger team members scurrying off to complete their tasks. Morgan stared back at Hotch but turned towards his desk to complete his assignment. Hotch faced Rossi who merely looked back at him with a mixture of concern and exhaustion in his face.

"We're all just concerned about Emily," Dave said quietly.

"And I'm not?" Hotch bristled.

"We're also concerned about you too, Hotch." Rossi shook his head. "It's clear to everyone you're in love with her, but she's in a place where she's not sure what she wants. None of us want to see her hurt anymore and we don't want you hurt either."

"I'm a big boy, Dave, I can take care of myself."

Rossi sighed but knew his friend was a stubborn bastard. It was one reason he liked Aaron. However in this situation, the older man had a sinking feeling that his friends were about to face some very rough seas.

* * *

><p>"And that's the last name from your CIA days?" Garcia asked as her fingers typed in one last name.<p>

Emily nodded. "Most of my time there was spent on the Doyle mission so I really didn't have many cases with the CIA." She sighed and Garcia sent her a compassionate look. The blonde tech reached over and squeezed Prentiss' arm gently. "We'll find who did this, Em, don't worry."

"That's not what I'm thinking about," the brunette said in a soft voice. "If Jonathan was killed because of someone from my past…" Tears filled her eyes.

"Oh, sweetie! Don't even begin to blame yourself for any of this!" Garcia cried out in a distressed tone. "The only person who deserves any blame is the creep who did this. Jonathan wanted to save the woman he loved. He wanted you to live, Emily. Don't think about anything else but how much he loved you."

Garcia meant to be comforting but Emily couldn't help but feel a stab of guilt as she remembered making love to Hotch. She loved Jonathan, she truly did and she would have been happy married to him, growing old, raising a family. However, she couldn't help but remember how Hotch made her feel when he held her in his arms, when he made love to her, how he filled her, made her feel safe and warm. She remembered every touch, every murmur, he made. She just buried the man she thought she would love for the rest of her life only to find herself being drawn and developing feelings for a man she had known for years.

No, no matter what Garcia said, Emily couldn't help but feel guilty. She was guilty of dismissing Jonathan's sacrifice and his love because she was falling in love with Hotch.

* * *

><p>Emily's movements were mechanical as she stood in the tiny kitchenette they used as the break room, pouring herself a cup of coffee. It had seemed ages since Reid found her in the park, but in reality, only a few hours had passed. She was exhausted, mentally, emotionally and right now, physically. The only time she had slept soundly in the past few weeks was the night she and Hotch made love.<p>

Her cheeks flushed brightly as memories of that night washed over her. She had told him the next day that they could never do that again, that they couldn't be together no matter how wonderful they had made each other feel. She wasn't ready and while she wasn't certain of Hotch's feelings for her, she couldn't let him feel anything more for her than friendship. She wasn't certain if she could give him what he needed and he deserved more than a shell of an indecisive woman. He deserved a woman who could love him completely with no guilt eating away at her.

And Hotch definitely didn't deserve a woman with a target on her back.

No, she needed to make sure he kept his distance because any man involved with Emily Prentiss would only get hurt and she'd rather die than see Aaron hurt.

"Are you okay?"

Emily started and spun around. Standing before her watching her with that soft look on his face was the man she had been thinking about as she mindlessly stirred her coffee.

Hotch had been watching her for a while, knowing the pensive look on her face that Emily was getting a little too deep into her head. He decided to snap her out of it. He stepped so close to her they could feel the heat of each other's bodies. Her full breasts brushed against his suit jacket and he could hear the quick little hitch of her breath. Emily looked up at him with her luminous eyes.

"I'm fine, or as well as can be expected."

He tilted his head to the side to regard her carefully. "I got clearance on your CIA cases so there's no need to worry about the names your revealed. But I suspect that wasn't what you were thinking about just now."

Her head dropped and he stepped even closer, drawing her to him with his hands on her shoulders. He felt Emily tense, but he didn't let her go.

"You know you can tell me anything, sweetheart."

"You need to stop that," she burst out suddenly, shrugging off his hands and trying to take a step away from him, but found herself bumping against the counter behind her. Emily sighed and ran her hands through her hair, mussing up the straight locks slightly. "What happened between us, we agreed it couldn't happen again, but you, the way you look at me, the 'sweethearts', you have to stop it."

Hotch stilled and though his face remained impassive his heart was beating a mile a minute. He swallowed thickly. "Do you really want me to?"

"You _have_ to," she whispered. Emily looked up into his face. "You deserve better. You don't deserve a messed up woman mourning a man she loved. Hotch, you definitely don't deserve someone who appears to have a target painted on her back. It's better for you to just stay away from me."

He regarded her with inscrutable eyes his heart suddenly feeling better. One thing she hadn't said was that she _didn't _feel anything for him. That she _regretted_ what had happened between them. She was afraid for him, but not afraid about _them_.

"Are you finished?" Hotch asked quietly. At Emily's nod, he moved even closer to her until she was completely pinned between the counter and his body. "I understand, you're not ready. I get that. I'm willing to wait until you are, because you are definitely worth the wait. I told you that I won't be going anywhere, Emily, and I meant it. You're too important to me." He dropped a small kiss on her forehead, his lips lingering against her soft skin. He heard her soft sigh and felt her body sway towards him. "You deserve so much more than you think, Emily. Just give me a chance to show you that."

Tears threatened to strangle her and she choked out a, "Hotch, please…" too emotional to say much more.

He smiled and kissed her forehead again. "I understand, but what I said stands. I'm not going anywhere, and when you're ready, I'll be here." He stepped back and with one last soft look at her turned around and left the room.

A tear finally fell down her cheek as she watched Hotch walk away and Emily realized her resolution to keep Hotch at arms' length was a little less stronger than it was a few minutes ago.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Slowly but surely updates are being made. Sorry about the pace but things are just not slowing down. Yes, into each story from me some angst must fall. I don't think I'm a particularly interesting Tweeter, but if anyone wants to follow me, my handle is Tigereye77a. I might have some interesting tweets to make this weekend though. **

* * *

><p>Emily shifted restlessly in her sleep as she tried to find a more comfortable spot on Hotch's tiny office couch. She shivered with cold. Something being draped over her woke her from the light sleep she was in and she opened her eyes, blinking blearily.<p>

"Hotch?" she rasped out, her voice slightly hoarse from sleep.

"No, it's me, Em."

"Derek?" she asked in a confused voice as she pushed herself up into a sitting position.

The light in Hotch's office was dim. She had started to tire, the countless nights of little to no sleep finally catching up with her and Hotch had gently steered her towards his office to take a nap on his couch. It was late in the evening, but they were still all working hard, trying to find out who could be targeting Emily. She thought the Unit leader was still in the office with her and was surprised to find her partner there instead.

"Where's Hotch?"

"He's talking with Rossi about something," Morgan replied, his thumb jerking in the general direction of the oldest member of their team's office. He had been passing by and saw Emily shifting restlessly on the couch. When she had shivered, he had draped the blanket Hotch kept in the office over her.

She wrapped herself up in the blanket, almost as though she was shielding herself not only from the cold, but from whatever Morgan had to say to her as he obviously wanted to talk. In the dim light, Hotch had only left on his desk lamp, it was hard to make out Emily's features, but Morgan could feel the anxiety radiating off of her.

"Was there something you wanted to speak to me about?" There was a weary, resigned sound to her voice and Morgan hated himself for being the cause of it. She expected to be attacked and by _him_. He loathed that she felt that way and that she was right in feeling it.

"Emily, what's going on between you and Hotch?" he asked gently.

Her first instinct was to deny anything was going on, but her conscious pricked at her. "He's been good to me, Derek. He's been there for me when I really needed someone. He's been wonderful."

"I get that. He's helped you a lot, but is he going too far?"

"What do you mean?" she asked sharply, her guilt making her defensive.

"I mean you two seem close, very close. Dammit, Em, Hotch is all over you, protecting you and daring anyone to get near you. If I didn't know better, I'd think you two were involved." He looked at her questioningly.

She pulled the blanket closer around her. "Derek, Jonathan is barely in his grave. What kind of person would I be if I just got involved with Hotch right now?"

"Stupid," was his firm reply as he gazed piercingly at her. "Emotionally, you aren't in the right place for a new relationship. You'll only wind up getting hurt and hurting him."

It was obviously a warning and a large part of Emily wanted to tell Morgan to butt out and mind his own business, but he wasn't saying anything she had not already thought herself. She began to pick at a loose thread on the blanket. "Hotch is a wonderful friend and that's all he is. We both know that."

"Good," Morgan nodded. His face softened. "Emily, you've been through Hell and now is not the time to take on additional complications."

She let out a short, bitter laugh. "What does it say about us when some cares about you and we call it a 'complication'?" She sighed softly.

Morgan felt equal parts sympathy and exasperation with his friend. Life was so hard already and their jobs left them isolated in so many ways that to find someone who would understand that part of your life, to be able to share it with him, it was as rare as ice in Death Valley. But this was Hotch and Emily! They were supervisor and subordinate! Emily had just lost her fiancé! Hotch just broke up with Beth! Neither of them were ready to begin a new relationship and definitely not with each other. What would that mean for the team? How could they function?

Emily saw all these emotions and doubts flitting across her friend's face and she smiled sadly. "Don't worry, Derek, I don't think there's much chance of anything happening." Her head dropped and she looked at her hands in her lap. "I'm not exactly the type of woman Aaron Hotchner would ever be interested in."

Morgan stared at her in disbelief. Did she really not see it? Did she not see how Hotch looked at her? How frantic he was when he thought Emily was in danger? Not interested? If Morgan was any judge, he would say Hotch was more than interested in Emily, the man was in love with her.

"Is everything alright?"

Prentiss and Morgan jumped at the sound of the voice from the doorway. Rossi stood there peering intently at both of them, trying to decipher what had been going on before he entered the room. "You okay, Emily?"

She attempted to give him a reassuring smile that fell far too short. "Fine. Was there something you needed, Rossi?"

The older profiler looked intently at her and then shifted his gaze over towards Morgan who looked somewhat abashed, as though he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have been. Rossi gave the other man a long look and then finally returned his attention back to Emily. "Hotch sent me to get you," he turned to Morgan and added, "And to find you. We might have a lead."

Emily got up from the couch, dropping the blanket back onto it. Silently, she and Morgan followed Rossi to the small conference room they typically used for briefings. When they walked in, she saw Hotch look at them sharply. She tried to keep a neutral expression on her face, but over the last few weeks, she had come to realize she was simply an open book to Hotch. It was something that both thrilled and terrified her.

As Emily slid into her seat, Hotch watched her, noting she was trying to hide something from him. Something or someone had upset her and his eyes went immediately to Morgan who had followed her into the room. The Unit Leader's eyes narrowed at the younger man who stared defiantly back at him. Derek sat down on the opposite side of the table between Reid and JJ.

Hotch bent over Emily and asked her in a low voice, "Are you okay?" He ignored the looks Rossi and Morgan were giving him. He didn't give a damn what the others thought, his main concern was Emily.

She gave him a small smile. "I'm okay. Thanks for letting me catch a few winks in your office."

He gave her a warm smile and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She had to resist the urge to rub her cheek against it. "Anytime," he murmured, feeling the gaze of the other team members on them.

"Sorry I'm late," Garcia announced as she bustled through the door carrying her laptop. "But I think I might have found something useful." Hastily she set her laptop down and began to type furiously on it. A few seconds later, a police file was projected onto the screen.

"Meet Jack Peterman, hired gun," Garcia announced. "He's wanted in connection with three murders for hires that span five years. DC police managed to connect the gun used in Jonathan's murder to the murders connected to Peterman. They all happened out of state which is what took them so long to link the crimes together."

"A hired gun?" Rossi asked in surprise. "But hired by who and why?"

"No chance it was Jonathan who was the intended victim?" Hotch asked quietly. That earned him a hard look from Emily which he ignored.

"Uhm, no. Completely clean. No patient complaints or anything," Garcia said with a quick apologetic glance at Emily.

"Dig deeper," Hotch ordered the tech analyst. "We need to eliminate the possibility this attack had nothing to do with him." He continued to ignore Emily who was gazing angrily at him.

"We have bulletins out to local law enforcement in the surrounding states looking for Peterman, but he's likely long gone," Garcia continued.

"Expand the reach," Hotch told her. "I want it up the Eastern Seaboard. Morgan, JJ, Reid, hunt down known associates. Rossi, you still have sources along the East Coast. This guy has remained strictly on this side of the country. See if any of your contacts have ever crossed paths with him before."

The others left, but Emily remained seated and Hotch had spun around to look at the screen that still had a picture of Jack Peterman on it.

"You didn't have to dig into Jonathan's life," Emily said in an angry voice. "I could have told you there's nothing there. There's no reason anyone would want to kill him."

"We need to be certain," Hotch remarked quietly without turning around to look at her. "We can't rule out that this had nothing to do with you, that it was about him."

She was out of her seat in a flash and standing behind him, bristling with indignant anger. "You know this is about me! Jonathan wouldn't have done anything to make anyone angry enough to try to kill him!"

"None of us are saints, Emily. You need to stop idealizing him," Hotch shot back, finally spinning around to face her. He spoke quietly, but couldn't help let a slight edge slip into his voice. He was sad that Jonathan was dead, he had been a good man, but Hotch could not deny he was thrilled that he had a chance with the woman he loved. Aaron knew it had been a short time since Jonathan was killed and Emily was in no way ready to embark on a relationship, but he still couldn't help but feel jealous.

"That just tells me you never really knew Jonathan, never bothered to try to get to know him," she snapped. Her eyes began to fill. "He was such a good man and he didn't deserve to die for me. He, he was better than me…deserved better…" Emily had begun to sob.

"Emmy," Hotch said softly, angry he had let his jealousy over a dead man show. He moved towards her and tried to take her into his arms.

"No," she whimpered, pushing him away. "We can't. I can't. It's wrong." She rushed out of the room leaving Hotch to stare worriedly after her.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: For those who are looking for the Profiler's Choice nominees and how to vote, you can find it at:**

**topic/ 74868/73609377/1/ 2012-Profiler-s-Choice-CM-Awards-FINAL-VOTING-BALLOT-HERE**

**Just remove the spaces. There are a lot of very good authors/stories nominated so show your support by voting!**


End file.
